Embracing who we are

Wonderfully made, her

Optimism and dedication, bring

Magic to all the life she touches.

Awesome is she is in every way how could she not be? Her

Natural attraction makes the world go round.

Women have, for centuries, influenced and shaped our society. They are thousands of women inventors whose work has made a complete difference in the way we live today.  I truly understand why a man would want to become a woman but the other way around????Nope, can’t understand-I would not change my gender for anything even if given the chance- being a woman is simply beautiful, gorgeous and fantastic. ‘A woman walks up to a man and he is in awe. She can give birth to life. She can sustain and temper his side that was born to be a male and tame him to be nothing but gentle around her. That kind of power exists in every woman and knowing the love she has can heal any bad day.’ How can I not be PROUD of such? - A special gift to man by GOD, a special woman with special qualities -kind, independent, compassionate, appreciative and caring. We cry and we laugh, we wipe tears and ease pain, we love and get hurt. Our love is priceless and unconditional. We bring achievers to the world. We are strong, we are sisters, girlfriends, mothers, friends, wives, confidants-we are women.

‘A woman is the calm of a hurricane's eye
where a man finds tranquility
as the storm passes by

A woman is the softness inside the shell
when the shell is bombarded
by man's creation of hell

A woman is the pillar of a temple foundation
where a man comes and goes
with renewed inspirations

A woman is the cloud that carries the rain
giving life to man's soul
parched from anxieties and pain

A woman is the bank of the river flows
helping man's direction
by being the woman she knows

A woman is the sound of a Lark's song in the morning
when mist covers life
and man feels forlorn

A woman is the emotions
shared with a man
the climax of giving
by the touch of a hand

A woman is the flesh that holds the seed
the miracle of birth
fulfilling human need

A woman is the mother of a new generation
a man is the direction
of that aspiration’

Vanika

STORY WRITTEN BY YOURS TRULY VANIKA PINK.

 Watch her videos at:

'Jibeba' http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AoWDc6_yMwQ

 'Raha Yangu' http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lJGeD8y6_es

'Special' http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XoQGPKs8BXY

I’m not saying I’m perfect, because it took me time to get to where I am. But I thank God for where I am today.  I see a lot of women these days that have lost love and respect for themselves. And no wonder some men don’t feel the need of trying to respect women no more. Women value themselves less, will do anything for money and will allow men to disrespect them. 

If you saw me before and the kind of relationship I was in, you would have slapped me. I allowed a man to put me second all the time, I put him before my career, and I would give him all I had. I would cook for him; give him money even though I knew he was with another woman.  Hoping that one day it would be me he would pick. And guess what? I was never chosen. And when I got the courage to finally leave him that’s when he saw my worth. And I realized I had to see mine first before he saw it.  

I use to let people disrespect me, talk to me however they wanted to. Especially in the music industry as I was trying to come up, guys would talk to me so down making me feel like I’m nothing and can’t make it. But I thank God for my best friend she taught how to love myself first how to work hard and not allowing anyone put me down. I still cry up to date but I don’t let anyone talk to me how they want whether it makes people afraid to approach me or not. I still want RESPECT. 

God created a woman to guide a man. We are their backbone, and you need to let a man know he can count on you. It’s ok to love a man. We are meant to.  And we can be the best at treating them, a good woman knows how to. But if he doesn’t respect you back, leave!  Focus on yourself. A man should never make you put him before your career and goals. You shouldn’t spend time and energy on fighting for a man. Because if he is yours he will always be there and if he truly loves you he will encourage you and support you on your career. Also women need to stop seeing the need of using men to get money. Get the need of working hard and getting your own. You selling your body to get money from men so that you can get the latest clothes and jewelry is the worst thing a woman can do. These days a lot of young women are doing that and it’s very sad how some women let materialistic thing come before their respect and pride. Women need to depend on themselves more and stop looking for the easiest way out to get money. 

When I look at women such as my best friend Emmanuella and size 8, they remind me so much of me.  Such hard working and independent women and yet they have all the love that can go around the world.  They inspire me so much because that’s how a woman should be. Women need to know that they are everything. That’s the only secret they need to posses. And once they do, they will know what it means to be a woman.  

HUMILITY

I am honestly amazed by how proud, people have become... 

Social class (with it, proud and arrogance) has become such a way of life that people tend to think it is the only way for them to survive. It could be a shield used to protect who they truly are inside, who knows? But confidence is indeed very different from pride.

Those who are comfortable in life are worst – always comparing themselves to others, constantly complaining and lawyers get the trophy for such. Most of my lawyer friends have so much pride, it is unbelievable. My friend Edward Kasaine, is however the complete opposite and yes he is a lawyer. Edy is simply a wonderful, down to earth person and oh how could I forget? Mr. X, my bad.

Mr. X (who does not want his name to be mentioned) is an amazing man. What makes him different is that he is a lawyer who once a week dress differently, goes in the streets, seat with the unemployed in the Nairobi ‘jobless corner’ and listen to their problems.

‘God says when you are humble you are free from pride and arrogance.’ Unfortunately pride is built from a very early age and I completely blame the parents for that. Parents are working so hard to provide for their children and give them the very best if not everything they themselves lacked that they forget the basic necessity of life- necessities that are much higher than what money can buy and which will be remembered long after the money is gone: wisdom, humility, kindness, politeness, respect are some of the many virtues parents should inculcate in a child.

I grew up in a very affluent family and yes I was spoilt. I had everything I wanted, had my own house girl whose job was well hilarious, she would go to the kitchen and get me some water when asked, while my 16 years old butt would be comfortable in the couch watching TV simply because of some superstitions created by West Africans and trust me you don’t want to go there.

Despite having all I needed, my parents (mother and grandmother mostly) taught me the importance of respect from a very early age. I remember the day I referred to our local man selling charcoal as ‘charcoal man’; the lesson I got, was something I will never forget. I was 12 then if I am not wrong; my mother ordered me down, looked at me straight into my eyes and asked me why I was referring to him as such yet he had a name.

‘I don’t know his name,’ was my answer

‘Have you ever asked him?’ Was her reply

‘That is how everybody else calls him and…. he sells charcoal’ I continued

‘Should you be called useless just because you don’t work, live under my roof, eat my food? 

How would you feel if someone referred you by what you do especially if you are less privileged?’

You can guess what my answer was. Yap silence.

‘Just because he sells charcoal, she continued  ‘doesn’t make him anything less or give you the right to call him the way you do, he has a name so go find out what it is, if he is married and if he has any children you can play with’

‘Me? Play with his children?’

Well I wished I had not asked that question because there and then, for the first time, I knew I needed to fear my mother.

                                                       The love of my life, my mother

 

I remember seeing my grandfather who then a Mayor, would seat with Mohammed ‘the charcoal man real name’ or the kiosk lady and have various discussion or my uncle a diplomat, have tea with the watchman. I remember seeing my mother and grandmother cooking every week for the less fortunate and sharing the food in the Mosque, Church and in the street. I remember telling myself that this is how I wanted to be and with each passing year, my desire was higher. My grandfather passed away in 1996 and it is amazing how more than 10years later, when someone introduces me as his granddaughter, they cry and tell me how kind hearted he was and all the things he did for his community. 

I have a very close friend whose father is a Minister in the Kenyan Government.  We are so closed that the first time I found out whose child he was, I could barely believe it and most Kenyans would know what I am referring to. This is a man when we would travel and would not have enough space for everyone to sleep, he would make sure everyone was comfortable and sleep on the floor. Remember his father is a Minister... 

He uses public transport/ matatu as locally referred to, yet many are his cars. 

The most amazing thing he ever did for me was during a group trip we had. We ended spending more days than previously planned at the location. We all looked dirty, smelled bad- horrible trip it was. Our car broke down one day before our return to Nairobi and there was no water yet the following day I was to attend a meeting and my clothes were all dirty.  I don’t know where he found the water from and much less the time to wash my clothes yet we all slept at midnight that day; but he did so. His siblings are all similar; these indeed reflect the kind of education he received.

‘’The reward for humility and fear of the Lord is riches and honor and life.’’ Proverbs 22:4

Parents need to understand how easy it is for a child to be negatively influenced. More than anything else, it is the little action you display as a parent that influences your child. Your action as a parent can affect the way your child will behave and how he/she will become.  At the rate the world is going, don’t bring in a child similar or worst to what we are witnessing but bring up someone who will positively influence and lead others and make this world a better place.

Beside life can take such unexpected turns that you will realize later the importance of humility like I did when we lost most of our wealth….I thank GOD however because my siblings and I always remained humble with or without the money. I sincerely thank GOD for the family HE gave me.

What do you want to be remembered for?

September was quite an awful month for Kenya. Various incidents occurred forcing one to reflect on the meaning of life. Over the weekend, I lost 3 friends and the most painful was my girl Careen. She was such a lovely person, kind at heart, big smile on the face, ready to help whenever you needed her- fantastic person, really fantastic… Her death really scared me, how can you speak one day to someone and the next, they are gone?  Being such a lovely person, Careen will be forever remembered in our hearts. She left a permanent legacy. She was not rich, did not have a car but she will forever be remembered. Love you girl, May your soul rests in peace.

Careen death made me reflect on a number of things especially what I wanted to be remembered for. 

Do I want to be remembered as someone who has helped many?- YES;

Someone who was kind hearted, prayerful?-again YES;

Someone who has made a difference in the lives of others?-DEFINETLY YES.

What have I done to make this happen? I asked myself.

From Monday to Friday I work from 830am to 5oopm. On Saturday, I have so many things to do, so many people to meet that I get lost in time and end up never fully doing what I had planned to. Sunday is my family day, no matter what there is to do, I would rather stay with my family and enjoy my day with them even if it is just to watch a movie. I do pay my tithe at the end of the month and do some charity work but is it really enough?

I reflected some more on my conversations with others, whether with colleagues, friends or well you name it…, the type of conversation we indulge in, our day to day actions, the way we live…

To understand better what I am driving at, you need to know me. I am TERRIFIED of death, for this reason; I don’t even try to read the Book of Revelation- too scary and therefore I am good to go with anything that will help me get closer to heaven. Let’s face it, the only reason we are scared of death is because we don’t know where we will go once we die. If I was assured of Heaven, why would I choose to stay here on earth? Really? Anyway, back to my reflection.

Whether you are a student, an employee/er or jobless, you spend quite a considerable amount of your time with others and the things you do or say could influence them.  

Why not influence others positively? (Take a min to reflect on how you will do that)

You speak all the time while not speak words of encouragement/life changing words?  

Instead of gossiping and cursing, why not bless someone?

The way you behave, your actions say a lot about who you are/ who you are trying to be, why not be more 

careful when you act next time and positively impact others?

Instead of showing the middle finger, why not smile with someone?

You probably work or interact with someone who you don’t like, why not try to be the bigger person, bless them and buy them a card/ a gift?

Many people use social media (facebook, twitter and so forth) to share their thought and how many times are those updates purely sexual, mocking, nagging when they could quote the Bible once in a while and influence their readers?

Having a bad day? Why not force yourself and smile and believe everything will be just fine? By smiling, you become less stress and influence the person next to you; problems will always be there but your reaction towards them makes the difference.

I love listening to RnB or Lingala but I try as much as I can not to do so before going to Church because well, the mind works in an amazing way. When I listen to Lingala and go to church, I find myself murmuring to Fally Ipupa songs during the sermon and before i know it, I start to shake my head, my feet and well you get the picture… so why not listen once in a while to some Gospel songs and be influenced by the words.?

Nowadays, people spend so much time listening to Joel Osteen and his inspiring words because we want to be inspired. Who wouldn’t, in such a confusing world? If you are indeed in need of such, what about the person next to you? Why don’t you influence him/her with what you have learned?

I am not asking you to become a Nun or Priest but simply become more conscious and considerate with your words, actions and hopefully be remembered for something positive when you are gone. Time to influence other people!

WIFE MATERIAL

One of the things I love doing with my friend is discuss various issues.

Listening give different perspectives, we argue, share and challenge ourselves. Making this world a better place through our different work and hobbies is our highest concerns and I am proud to say that we have already influenced some lives.  A big 5 to US!

A recent conversation we had, was in relation to women and how they are perceived in the society. For some funny reasons, the more beautiful, successful and hardworking a woman is, the less attractive she becomes. Well, most men would not mind using her but when it comes to settling down; she won’t be his first choice. When I was a child, I remember my grandmother telling me over and over again that my first husband should be my studies. She put it so much in my head that I indeed grew up, placing my studies as my highest priority and well, to some extend the experiences I had in my relationships pushed me more towards that aim. Success has always been my greatest ambition and poverty, my greatest fear. And what I have right now is nothing compared to what, by the grace of GOD, I am planning to have and I have no excuse whatsoever for my ambition.

Similarly, there is that ideology that a woman who likes going out is not wife material. I like taking myself as an example because well, I love me, myself and i. I go out rarely because my focus has changed and when I go I do enjoy myself to the fullest. NO, I don’t drink or smoke-never did and hopefully never will. NO, I don’t dirty dance with the first person that approaches me. YES, I get mad, when someone I don’t know hold me by the back and gets close to me on the dance floor and YES, I drink fanta or juice when I am out.  My best friend drinks and YES, she enjoys her alcohol and love to party but NO, she does not dirty dance with the first person who approaches her in a club.

Judging a woman by the company she keeps, by her ambition, the way she dresses, the way she portrays herself tell you nothing about who she truly is. It is so sad that men feel threaten by women with ambition and much more sad that they believe that a woman with ambition cannot be a good wife.  Unfortunately, because of such mentality, women make the worst mistakes of their lives. They get married to the first man who proposes, lack ambition, and limit themselves whereas a man who truly loves her would not limit her but instead help her fulfill her dreams. The worst of all are women who have become soooo desperate that they accept any pathetic treatment a man imposes on them.  I think the worst situation I have ever witnessed is that of a woman who cooked dinner for her boyfriend after finding out he had just cheated on her. Like really? Really? Really? Definitely NOT me, a big slap would have been the one welcoming him home….tchrouuuuuuuu (like the West African do)

Anyway, being a woman is the most beautiful thing in the world. We bring babies to the world who can end up being Obama, Nelson Mandela, Wangari Mathaii, Oprah Winfrey, you name it. We experience the most beautiful feeling of having a baby inside of us, feeling his heartbeat, becoming one with him.  We get hurt, cry, and are emotional which is beautiful because we are in touch with our inner self. We make this world a better place no wonder GOD created EVE after realizing how miserable Adam was:-)

When we work, because of our emotions, selfishness, we take care of others. We help the less fortunate, provide for the hungry and we fulfill what is written is the Bible ‘No man should eat if he doesn’t work’. 

Following a career at the expense of a family is where the problem lies but most women don’t do that. They want to work and similarly desire the support of their partner to do it all. Two is always better than one.

Being a CEO, having properties all over does not make me anything less than a woman who chooses to have no ambition and cook and seat at home. In the long run, it actually makes me better because when the man gets fed up and stop taking care of the children (which they always do), instead of crying, I will be smiling knowing that my children have something to eat.  And again it makes me better because it shows how strong and independent I am, not every woman can work, cook, take care of her husband and children- exceed as a Mother, Wife and a Professional.

Beside as a woman, some of our advantages are :-)

‘1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.
3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.
4. We can cry and get off speeding fines.
5. Taxis stop for us.
8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.
9. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point).
10. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.

11. We have enough sense to realize that the easiest way to get out of being lost is to ask for directions.’

Hope

It is hard not to think about life, its meaning and our purpose in it when you see a 1 year old baby with cancer; a 98 year old woman being raped; a 8 year old child hands being cut off because he was too hungry and stole some food; a mother being forced to eat her dead son because of the war in her country. More young people are getting involved in unprotected sex completely ignoring the scourge of AIDS. Now, cancer has surpassed HIV AIDS making it look like a ‘flu’ as told by Doctors.

I tried endlessly to make a meaning of this so called life and the more I tried, the more confusing it became. I have a wonderful baby girl and I want the best for her and I certainly can’t imagine seeing her with cancer or any other diseases. I pray GOD to always keep me safe for her sake. The same feeling goes when I think of my family, my friends, and all the people I care for and even those that I don’t know because it is after all human to care for others.

We are born, crawl, walk, talk, go to school, get married, get kids, then get old and die. Is this the real meaning of life or is there something greater than that? Well we know about GOD, we pray HIM daily, we try as much as we can to keep HIS commandments, by we, I am referring to myself and without any doubt HE has been faithful to me. In my darkest moments, HE has been by my side and reassuring me of HIS presence. I love my GOD HE is the best. Every time I think HE has left my side because of my many sins, HE shows me that HE TRULY forgives and forgets. Every time I cry aloud to HIM, HE listens and when HE doesn’t, HE always takes me towards a better path.

I have watched Hotel Rwanda and some other documentaries on the genocide in Rwanda and witnessed some inhuman acts in my own country, Ivory Coast. I saw innocent family being raped and killed. I saw them pray and I know my GOD listen, I don’t understand then why they were killed so brutally. I know a 1 year old child has no sins, he is so innocent, so cute, so adorable and I can’t understand how he can be diagnosed with such a terrible disease such as cancer. I know a 98 year old woman is tired and just want to die peacefully but I don’t understand how someone can go rape her and more importantly what kind of pleasure he can get out of her? I know my GOD can end it all but I don’t understand why HE doesn’t but despite it all, I still praise HIM and do HIS will because that is what I was born to do, I trust HIM, I have faith in HIM and more importantly I know HE knows why HE let it happen.  A coin has two sides; it is up to you to choose the direction you want to focus on. You can focus on just one side or look at the bigger picture. We know of prophets who have suffered so much and now enjoy the happiness they have so longed for. Sometimes or most of the time for some, we experience difficulties that make us doubt the existence of GOD or make us think of ending our lives, but looking again at the bigger picture, what is our average lifespan? 40? 50? 60? 70? What is 70 years of pain compared to the happiness you will gain in heaven? In all times, through various challenges, remember the beatitudes, they are the promises of GOD to us, they are our assurance to everlasting life and my GOD keeps indeed HIS promises:

Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you. Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called sons of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

My meeting with Prince Edward

As a translator, the more corporate you work with, the better it is for you, but in this particular case, well I wasn’t really excited when my service was solicited. I had so much to do that the thought of adding more to my schedule did not seem exciting. I was unfortunately late for the event and as I entered, people were gathering at the center of the room. Present were delegates from different countries, different religions, different background, different colors and different cultures.
Unknown to me was a very influential person in the room, a member of the Royal family to be more precise. In my precipitation to be part of the seminar, I stood in front of a man whose laughter was hard to ignore. As I turned to look at the person making this beautiful sound, here he was dressed in an African attire, his face young and sublime portrayed tranquility, peace and serenity. For a second, I stopped breathing, ‘no it could not be him’ I thought, there was no security around and he seemed too friendly, ‘shouldn’t he be calling his guards to arrest me for standing in front of him?’ No, I tried to convince myself it is probably someone who looks like him. And then came the moment, the moment that would end every doubt I had in mind, it was time to introduce ourselves and indeed I was standing in front of His Royal Highness, the Earl of Wessex, Prince Edward.
Who could have thought that small me, born in a small country would have the privilege of meeting a member of the Royal Family? In a movie, well it could easily happen but this is my life, MY reality. More to this, I was blessed to converse with him, laugh with him and take pictures (as you can see from the photo gallery). What is the point of all this? BELIEVE. Since the event, I no longer see barriers in my future; I embrace every challenge seeing them as opportunities to grow. My faith in GOD and my belief have increased tremendously. You can be whatever you want to be, do whatever you want to do and meet whoever you want to meet, if only you believe and work towards that aim.
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